So I discovered yesterday that sometimes I just prefer being right and knowing what I’m talking about than loving people and hearing/acknowledging what they have to say.
My coworker said something along the lines of “I think it’s silly that people take the day in Genesis as a literal day when days to God are different than days to men”… (just an example(of probably many!) that really kicked me in the face) because then I responded and was like, “But it says ‘morning and evening’”, etc etc… As if me being right and knowing a bit more about the Bible (than the average person because I do go to Bible school) over rides my responsibility to love others and listen to what they have to say.
I mean, I could go on about the Hebrew “day” and what it means, and even if I am right, I think that comes second(err, last even) to me treating people with dignity and respect and valuing their opinion.
Like, I didn’t yell at that person or anything, but that attitude, thinking that because I know something, really kills any sort of peace found in community and unity I would ever hope to have.
Just figured I’d share.
It’s frustrating though, because learning more about the Bible can give you a sense of pride, when really, it should give you a spirit of humility. And that’s hard to have. How can you talk Jesus or be Jesus when your flesh screams for you not to and to give up and give in. I dunno. It takes a lot of Jesus and seeking the face of God. Which, is something I haven’t done lately. I need to get back into the Word.
So yeah. I’m actually doing pretty good today but sometimes I really realize how prideful or selfish I am and I’m like “wow”, and like, people look up to me. They think I know something. I do, I suppose. But living in knowledge is easier than living in humility. Not that I want to. I want to be more like Jesus every moment I’m awake. But it’s not easy. I think the Church often tricks people when they have an altar call or whatever as I don’t think people really know what they’re getting into. Will God grant you peace? Sure. But it might not be here. On this Earth. In fact, your sense of self-worth, confidence, pride, and all that you can think of as who you are is probably going to be challenged(maybe a better word for that is destroyed, trampled on, obliterated… haha) a lot more as a Follower of Jesus Christ than as an unbeliever. It’s true. Because you’re given the Holy Spirit, it’s imparted into you, but you still live in a body of death.
I hope I don’t sound depressing. That’s not my intention.
I just want to be real and plain and open and I feel like talking right now. I’m kinda stressed out. Got too much stuff to do. And I procrastinate. And I’m tired. Blah blah blah. Haha.
Father, give me the patience with people I need and kindness that over rides knowldege because I know that every person is created in your image and likeness, and not mine. I am but a mere vessel and sometimes I feel overwhelmed (I need a good Christian spiritual leader to talk to on a regular basis, I’ve had this thing I’ve needed to do for Foolswork for about 2 months and I can’t do it. It’s tedious and boring. I guess I just need clear direction.) And then I like to analyze stuff. For example: Why is it that I usually come to you when I need something. It’s like I only ask for stuff. I mean, that’s not always true, but I run through the modes of thought in a conversation and you have questions and statements as the major forms of talk(I know there’s more, but I can’t think of them now) along with other motions, but God, let my time with you be more of me praising you and less of me asking for you to do stuff for me. I dont think its always bad because we have prayer requests for a reason, but I don’t want to ramble on or to waste the time you’ve given me, as I often do.
God, I thank you for all that I have. I feel like I’m in an awkward spot in life because I still live with my parents(my school is just 30 minutes away, so its the most practical anyway), I just joined this metal band and I love the guys there, but I’m almost afraid of commiting to soon to that because then I have Foolswork which I’ve commited to a long time ago as a teacher and follower of the Lord- but I think I can… with your help… get through school, do the band(but what if we start touring or become really big? I dont want my heart to change either. My intentions with the band is to spread the Gospel of Christ, to have fun, and use it as a way of being creative and making a masterpiece or two in the name of the Lord. I just have a lot more things going on than usual and they’re not always easy to handle. But I’ve also not had too much time with you, time in the Word, or time in silence.
I know your word says that you number our footsteps, but at this point in life, I just feel almost all over the place and like anything can happen from there. I have a canyon of uncertainty in front of me. I know what’s happening in the weeks and years to come, but what about when I’m out of school in 2-3 years? Then what? Why is it so hard to just believe in faith that you know what you’re doing? Probably because I wouldn’t know what that is anyway since I’m not in the Word. I discovered that time with you is like a self-fulfilling prophecy if I don’t have it. And its circular. Like, I notice I act differently when I’m not in it than when I am and vica versa. Anyway.
I’m gonna go do that, get a shower(okay, I’m in my room, and its killer hot in here even with my fan on high), practice for a bit, get a move on the spreadsheet, and then practice some more… I’ll get lunch in a bit too.
Again, I’m doing well. But I just have a lot of questions and so this might be more of a post from me to God than to anyone else. Just saying. =)
Awkward post. But whatever.
-Phil
I’m gonna find the most epic picture I can… (the most epic pictures are also the most metal ones)
Right well, I’ve been looking around for nearly an hour now and can’t find a really good epic photo of… anything. Honestly. Why does Google images not have like vikings burning down houses with penguins falling from the sky underwater in the future or something? That’s very epic! So, we’re gonna settle with another metal shot…
However… I did find this really interesting HM article (its a magazine, silly) on Living Sacrifice and their struggle with the band and touring and working and kids and marraige and what not.
